People in love make me want to vomit
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
