Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
