Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
