Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone came in the potted fern
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
