from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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