Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
