sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
