i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
