Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
