dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
