UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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