Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
