ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize