And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He better not be in your backpack
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
