Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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