Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
