I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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