Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
