i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You may now shotgun with the bride
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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