Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
