I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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