Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need a beard to bite.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
