I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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