I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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