u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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