My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
