Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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