you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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