so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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