youre lurking in front of me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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