so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You ruined the universe
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
