I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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