Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
