i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
