I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
