WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
