I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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