I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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