Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
