haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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