What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
