So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
