Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
