Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
