am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
