y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
