my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
