So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
