If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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