everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Houston, we have a blender
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
