I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize