My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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