hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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