I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
