dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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