I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
