he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
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