it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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