I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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