There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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