I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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