is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
