this just has baby written all over it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
