Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
