When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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