i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
