What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
