sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
