I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
