so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
