ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
