My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
