Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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