You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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