Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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