I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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