First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize