You're so nebulous sometimes
You work out of a Hotel?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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