Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
